Which video game console is the sexiest?

Which video game console is the sexiest?

Have you ever wondered if there are any questions of life that have yet to be put out into the world? I’ve got one for you, but there’s a good chance at least two people have thought about it in their lives: which video game console is the sexiest?

Why am I writing this, you ask? There are a few elements that come into play. First, it’s a slow news day. The holidays have a habit of being like this. Second, sex sells. If you even hint at some mushy ooey-gooey content, people go bananas for it. It is literally Among us porn on most adult sites, and yet our site statistics show regular visitors to some suggestive content from years ago. It’s wild.

So I’m leaning into it. Who gives a shit, right? I’m here to find out which video game console of the current generation is the hottest of them all, and it’s not the one you think.

Hello.

Uh… Hello?

How’s it going mate?

I’m fine. Who are you?

I am you.

Okay, very funny. Seriously, who are you?

That’s me. You. I am you from the future.

Okay, I’ll entertain this. Hello, me from the future. Why have you come back? To kill me? To stop me from posting this?

Yes.

Jesus Christ, what? Really? Don’t kill me, I’m too busy! I have to work tomorrow!

Wait, no. Sorry, no no. The other. Is it seriously that you work tomorrow that keeps you going?

Of course not. There are my dears, some games I want to play, and uh… other things, you know.

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Well, here I am, so clearly there was more to live for, right?

Or maybe I was just in a hurry!

Don’t think like that. Anyway, I’m not here to kill you.

So you are here to stop me from writing Which video game console is the sexiest? then?

Yes.

Okay, why?

People are not ready for that information. It is not safe. When you hit Publish on that article, everything will end.

Oh really, “future me”, if that’s even your real name!

No. It’s Ruby. Your name.

I know! Shut up!

No, you shut up.

No, you shut up.

No, you shut up.

No, shut up, stinky!

Okay, we’re getting nowhere with this. I have come from a future where you wrote this article and published it and it never stopped getting visitors. The second someone read it, they would immediately come. It became a tool for people to cum immediately, and so people became more efficient because they didn’t want to waste time jacking off.

What?

That is correct. They didn’t want to jack off anymore or even have sex because all they had to do was read that article and they got cumming satisfaction so fast. And it felt much better because it also stimulated their minds because they had to read it, so not only did people have big sperm, they became incredibly smart.

Okay, the hell off. You are a hacker.

No, it is true. Everyone got really smart and technological advancements simply shot forward like crazy. That’s how I got here, because time travel became possible in just one year.

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You are me from one year ahead?

Yes.

Why do you look like that old?

Okay, first of all, screw you. Second, stress ages you. I became responsible for a new age in society where no one fucks, everyone is a genius, and people blow the world’s most efficient nuts because of a satirical post I wrote. How do you think my body would react to that?

I’m not going to question anything, because this is clearly a bit. You’re a clumsy doppelgänger and I’m not having it. Joke’s over, get back in the clown car.

I know it sounds ridiculous, but you have to believe me. Please do not write this post. It is for the good of the world.

I’m going to write this post because there’s nothing else to write, okay?

There is always something else to write, you don’t have to do this!

Yes I do.

No, you don’t!

Well, now I feel like I do. Time travel invented in less than a year? That is unbelievable! And it’s all because people were reborn virgins? Is it really a big loss?

It’s the end of humanity!

If people get that smart, I’m sure they can figure it all out. Moreover, I am still convinced that this is a bit.

You are an idiot.

But it would mean you are an idiot.

Okay. Write it. I don’t care anymore. You are impossible. Have fun looking like this in a few months, silly.

Relax, weirdo.

Anyway, where was I? It was exhausting. I don’t know if I can take this anymore. God, what a piece of shit. This isn’t even a funny idea anymore. The answer was the Nintendo Switch, by the way. Don’t elaborate, I have to go to bed.

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