So you’re dating someone, and one of you — probably your date — is an introvert, and you can’t help but wonder how to make things work.
And it’s good that you’re asking yourself that question, because introverts do relationships a little differently than everyone else.
So in this article, I want to help you by sharing with you 8 relationship types that are best for quiet, introverted people.
1) A relationship that encourages loneliness
So let’s get this out of the way – introverts will not thrive in relationships where they are forced or pressured to interact with lots of people all the time.
So if you’ve been thinking about introducing them to your friends or going to a party with them… ask them first, and give them the chance to say no.
It’s not that they’re not interested in getting to know your friends, because introverts like to meet new people. It’s just that they simply have only so much energy they can use to interact with others, and they may not be ready for it all the time.
So because of that, they won’t be with you for every single night or family gathering. Sometimes they don’t even want to go out on a date.
If they are going to mingle with people, it must be because they want to, and not because they were somehow forced to. And until then, they prefer their solitude and quiet company.
2) A relationship that is not demanding
And that means no complaints of “why haven’t you talked to me at all today?” or require them to provide updates every time they are out.
Introverted and quiet people generally don’t have time for humor demands like these.
Sure, it’s not like they’re inflexible and can always accommodate reasonable requests if asked. But the key word here is “reasonable”.
Asking them to stop talking to their friends of the opposite sex, for example, is much more destructive to them than it is to extroverts; introverts keep only a handful of very close friends to themselves, and these friendships can last years—even decades—long, and each one is irreplaceable.
And as I had mentioned before, introverts don’t have much energy to spare, and if their partner is too demanding, it’s not easy for them to find that their relationship is more trouble than it’s worth.
3) A relationship where patience is valued
Introverts stand out in this extroverted world of ours, and many of their ways can seem almost at odds with how the rest of the world does it.
For example, they usually take their time with relationships, and are more than likely to spend years dating someone before deciding that they will marry. They wouldn’t want to marry someone they barely knew for a year if they could. People who are more used to fast-paced relationships may think they are indecisive.
And of course, they can sometimes react or articulate things differently than everyone else because they take things slowly and spend a lot of time on their own. These differences can seem almost confusing to anyone who is not like them.
And that is why they need patience to thrive in a relationship.
Not only do they prefer to operate more slowly and methodically than everyone else, their differences in personality and outlook can also be… a bit frustrating for everyone else.
4) A relationship that is deep and insightful
Extroverts find satisfaction in having someone to talk to. Introverts, on the other hand, want deep and comprehensive conversations. They may not like talking to a bunch of people at once, but they can have fun talking to their one favorite person for hours.
That is why introverts prefer relationships where they can have the deep and insightful conversations.
They don’t just want to talk about the weather, or gossip about the neighbours. They want to delve deep into politics, discuss science, and geek out over their favorite games or books.
If things are going particularly well, they can easily talk their partner’s ears off from dusk to dawn, geeking out over their hobbies or discussing serious topics.
These things may not exactly scream “romantic” and remind you more of, say, the kind of conversation you might have with a close friend. But trust me, bonding is romantic enough for them.
5) A relationship that is free of love games
Many people love to play love and mind games. They can sometimes kick a relationship back into action and add some spice. But you don’t want to resort to them when your partner is an introvert!
Because of how they like to take their time and think things through, introverts tend to see love games for what they are—emotional manipulation—and hate them for it. And if they don’t get it immediately, it’s only a matter of time before they do.
So don’t try to play love games with an introvert. They’ll hate you for it, and you might end up eating a break if you try.
The best way to have a relationship with an introvert is by being honest with them – by trying to connect with them as a person and communicate clearly.
And hey, it’s not that bad either – they won’t like playing games on you either, and if it’s clear the relationship isn’t working, they’ll be honest about it and admit it isn’t working.
6) A relationship that is calm
So another thing about introverts is that they don’t really appreciate rocky relationships. They don’t want to be in a relationship that will only make them stressed and exhausted.
In fact, many introverts love their peace so much, and have friendships so deep, that they simply aren’t interested in romance at all.
After all, why would they engage in this seemingly drama-filled thing when they can settle for their friendships instead?
And on top of that, they really just love peace in general. They don’t appreciate being constantly interrupted, for example, or having someone always making noise at home.
So if you’re in a relationship with an introvert, try to make sure they have the peace they need to thrive, whether it’s because your relationship is stable or because you’re not a disruptive presence.
7) A relationship that can cope with anxiety
Introversion does not mean social anxiety, and social anxiety does not mean introversion. Many introverts are good enough to talk to people – they just choose not to because it’s exhausting.
But with that out of the way, there’s no doubt that introverts are more easily affected by anxiety than extroverts.
The thing is, when faced with anxiety, extroverts can usually just carry on as if nothing happened. But introverts, on the other hand, are more likely to freeze and overthink things.
And that’s why introverts work best in a relationship with someone who can help them cope with anxiety, even if that ‘help’ is simply to be there for them until they calm down.
8) A relationship that is accepting
So I’ve mentioned before that introverts often think quite differently than everyone else because of how they would slow down and think more often.
Often this means that they may have particularly strong opinions about things you may not have thought about, or that their opinions may change without you knowing.
And of course they want to be heard.
They want to be able to speak their mind to you without fear of being brushed off or even beaten down.
Sometimes their thoughts will lead them to conclusions that are very different from or even against yours, but that’s why they need to be in a relationship and accept those differences and quirks.
Having a relationship with an introvert can be challenging if you are not an introvert yourself, but it is by no means impossible.
Relationships with introverts tend to be quieter and slower than usual—less a burning bonfire of passion and more the gentle glow of hot coals on a chilly winter’s day.
Sometimes you may find yourself wondering if the introvert even loves you as much as they say, given how quiet and reserved they can seem.
But make no mistake, take their word for it because they do. They just love differently. And if you treat them well, they’ll be more than happy to remain friends with you, even if your relationship doesn’t work out.
Can a relationship coach help you too?
If you want concrete advice about your situation, talking to a relationship coach can be very helpful.
I know this from personal experience…
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